40 Confessions Of Stoners That Will Give You A Good Laugh

Stoners! They just don’t live in the same world as the rest of us! The best creative minds are all stoners. They might act weird after their strain sessions, but they are funny! Their thoughts are funny. Now we wouldn’t know their thoughts, but this list of stoner confessions will enlighten you. So c’mon people, have a peek into the minds of the stoners! Their high thoughts will give you a good laugh!


  1. My friends prefer alcohol over weed. Well, it’s their choice. But I love watching their heads in the toilet and vomit their life out, while my weed helps me float in space!
  2. I’m sick of hearing how bad weed is from people who’ve never smoked it!
  3. Smoking weed doesn’t make me a bad person, just like going to church doesn’t make you a good person!
  4. Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight! My diet: Just weed!
  5. I was high when I directed a short film with my girl. It’s on a porn site!

  6. I had a bad trip once; I hallucinated Nicki Minaj chasing me!
  7. My boss asked if I had any chicken for lunch. I pulled my pants down and asked her to check it out!
  8. I smoke weed so that I meet the dealer. Because that’s the only human contact I have.
  9.  I like to score weed, because it’s fun to hangout with pedlars and gangsters!
  10. I love running around naked on the streets when I’m high!

  11. I once waited at a stop sign for half an hour, waiting for it to turn green.
  12. Weed gave me a new pillow. Slept the entire night in my own puke!
  13. I talked to my cat for 2 hours convinced at any moment she was going to respond!
  14. I cried because I realized snakes are just tails with faces. I was that high!
  15. The only reason I smoke weed is so that I can have high sex with my boyfriend. He blows my mind!

  16. After a long weed smoking session, I stepped in to take a shower, one foot in I stopped and asked myself: Am I getting in or out?
  17. I turned down the T.V volume because I couldn’t taste my food!
  18. Got so high, I searched for my friend for an hour while he helped me look!
  19. Weed helps me remind myself to take a breath every 5 minutes.
  20. My friend broke my favorite coffee mug. We had a funeral for it. We were dressed in ties and suit!

  21. I wish could I somehow get all the money I spent on weed back. It wouldn’t even matter because I would spend it back on weed!
  22. I am so stoned that that I’m trying to get the scent of weed off me with a blow drier!
  23. Got so high that we put rest of the weed somewhere. Still can’t find it.
  24. I was so high that I thought that microwaving ice cream made milk shakes.
  25.  Got so high that I had a staring contest with my dog. Stared at that bitch for so long I thought she was my reflection.

  26. Received a text from my friend asking how high I was. When I asked how he knew, he said my Snapchat story were 4 pictures of the ceiling fan!
  27. Eating corn pops and throwing them to my dogs. I felt like a farmer throwing corn to his chickens.
  28. Just tried to take my seatbelt off for like 30 minutes and I'm on a couch!
  29. I was high AF and bought groceries. Instead of taking them home, I took them to my dad’s office and gave it to everyone as gifts!
  30. I was so high, when I saw my mom and I said ‘ssup bitch’. I still remember that slap!

  31.  My friend was so high, he thought he could smell music
  32. One time I was so high I stayed in the shower for an hour trying to wash off my tattoos
  33. While smoking weed I forgot that people can't hear your thoughts. I spent the whole night silent.
  34. Told the Starbucks lady that I loved her because she gave me a large coffee instead of a small one that I paid for
  35. So high, when I close my eyes I can feel the Earth rotating

  36. I get so high that I feel like I forget to breathe, then I panic
  37. Currently so high, I feel like I'm spiritually connected with Pokémon
  38. My friend was so high, he was searching through his contact list to find music to play.
  39. Got so high I forgot how to open a bag of chips. I googled it.

     40. I got so high I started to cry because I couldn't open the door. Then I forgot why I even wanted to leave.


These confessions come after those long weed smoking sessions!
And long weed smoking sessions means gulabi aankhen!