Jun 28, 2016
Here’s What Your Star Sign Has To Say About Your Deepest Desires
Every wondered how your partner’s sexual life would be like? You probably knew only nice and fancy things about them when you started dating them. But what you need to know now, is how they actually think about ‘bedtime activities’ according to their star signs. Here is what you need to know NOW: 1. Aries – They are downright disgusting to be around. These are the first people who bought joggers and actually jogged in them. Arians are honest and direct and quick to find a motel room when the boss's wife is horny. This is the guy who gets the woman into the bedroom with a promise of 10 inches and 3 times and turns out to have 3 inches, but does it 10 times. 2. Taurus – The typical Taurus pickup line is "wanna f*ck?" The typical Taurus comeback to that line is "no, thanks, I already have one prick in my pants." But once a Taurian has his mind made up, there's no stopping him. 3. Gemini - Geminis also love to chase someone till they're caught. Women, especially, love to prick tease, and then when the guy falls all over them drooling, she'll *forget* she was ever remotely interested. Though they will usually tell you one thing and then go do something absolutely different, they are not being two-faced. 4. Cancer - Cancerians are pretty dull lovers. Foreplay to a Cancer man involves a kiss on the cheek. Ask a Cancer woman what foreplay is and she'll say "something they shout on a golf course before they throw out the first ball." The phrase "wham, bam, thank you, ma’am" was invented to describe a Cancerian’s honeymoon. 5. Leo - Leos are also romantic, which helps a lot in the free f*ck department. However, all this charm is superficial and though Leos make great one-night stands, they usually are a flop as spouses. 6. Virgo - If the condom isn't vacuum-sealed, they won't go near it. And complete showers if not disinfected baths, are required both before and after. Virgos are 'lives of the party', but they usually f*ck it up by hiding their emotions. 7. Libra - Libras love living in style, especially if they cannot afford it. These people will do almost anything for peace and harmony. The way to drive a Libra ape-shit crazy is to say "f*ck me or I'll play loud punk rock music.” 8. Scorpio - Scorpions are the most highly sexed of all the signs of the zodiac. The back seat is where he/she makes his/her moves. Scorpions are prone to excess: booze, drugs, sex, bad puns, etc. They usually exploit the weaknesses of others, who fall victim to their capacity for total lust & sexual curiosity. 9. Sagittarius - Well, just like Leos, Sagittarians too are great to have a one-night stand with, but not to end up marrying. They get married and married and married and get carried away. They dislike being tied down and hate to even talk about it. A single Sagittarian is charming, but a married one is an obnoxious flirt who would sell his/her spouse for a roll in the hay with a new young stag. 10. Capricorn - Class. That's what Capricornian have. Not much sensuality, hardly ever fun to be with, but lots of class. They tend to look taller than they really are and speaking of which, Capricorn men always seem to have 10 inches, even if they really only have 3. 11. Aquarius - The Kama Sutra was probably first used as an elementary school coloring book for Aquarian kids. It was an Aquarian who invented the "pity f*ck." Someone having a rough time? Well, f*ck 'em! Literally! It'll cheer him up, at least. 12. Pisces - Pisceans can't get it up and Pisces women are as wet and wide as the Mississippi. The circumstances under which they are born is sometimes called the ‘armpit of the zodiac’ and it seems to rub off. There isn't enough Old Spice in the universe to solve this problem. Harry Potter fan? Read about which Harry Potter character you resemble the most!